Choices

Man..this just totally irritates the hell out of me.
This one thing when u had all these thoughts that u wanna share and u're freaking enthusiastic to blog about it but u couldn't because u're in a car heading somewhere and u didn't have ur freaking notebook with u and when u got back in ur room with ur notebook on your lap and u forgot what u wanted to write.
WTH did i want to write?
Shit! Shit! Shit!

That happened to me like a LOT and i'm freaking Stressed. Errghh..!

oh Neways..i just remember something that i often think of.
We have many choices in our lives and i don't understand why people sometimes just stick to a few particular options.
Okay i'll give u an example a girl broke her mom's precious and worth of 10K flower vase due to carelesness. She'll probably freaked out and think of ways to cover it up so she won't be scolded or admit to her mom and accept her punishments like she's supposed to.

Those might be the possible and most rational solutions that a sane human can think of.
But then there are also some other alternatives eg.
1. Get hit by a train and die then u could save all the thinkings (obviously a stupid and irrational idea)
2. Kill someone else or commit serious crime which will make ur previous problem seems a lot less significant
3. Accuse ur maid or other people so they will take all the blame (only for cowards and damn unethical)
4. Run away from home and go back after 6 months or some other periods depending on how long it takes for ur mom to forgive u
5. Borrow money from everywhere and buy her a new vase
6. Say that u had a premonition that the vase is gonna bring bad luck and that u have to break it as to save the family from misfortunes .?

OK..most are just craps.lol. but the first option should never be in ur list because suicides will not solve much. What i want to point out here is that u have lot of choices in life. it's whether u see it or not.
now my head is pretty blank and drowning in sleepiness and before i start to sound like a freakin retard i think i better go to sleep first.

yellow pillow.

sometimes u just gotta do it

i just read my friend's, aiman post on his selamba-yet-brave act to simply ask a chic bout the t shirt she's wearing and i thot it was pretty hilarious. And it kinda reminded me of something i did before which was quite similar to his. It's pretty vague now bt i still remember about 75% of it and so i wanna post the story before i forgot about it completely.

anyways it happened in February or March i think. well mun and i was at a convenient store, actually stranded there cuz we just got out from lab and apparently we'd missed the shuttle to go back to the hostel.
altho walking back was also an option but it was bout 5km of distance,less or more and the road was pretty empty most of the times and there might be a mad rapist or something walking around, i mean you never know so it was not a good idea.

we were thinkin of a solution when suddenly a white jeep pulled over and one of the college students went out of the car and entered the shop. and GUESS WHAT he was one of the hot guys in college. bwahahahaha...:DDD sorry but i kinda have this mild, yeah just a MILD obsession towards hot and good looking guys.

back to the story. and seeing him gave me a very good idea.
obviously...why not ask him to give us a ride to the hostel?

i told about it to mun who was just as excited as i was at the sight of him.

she was like 'weh..biar betol. malu ahh..siyes ke?'

and i replied 'aku un x tau..tp cm xde choice len je. try dlu la..'

we were still hesitating but there was not much time left as he was already out of the store and heading towards his jeep while giving us this weird look, (muke die mmg slenge ah time uh) for staring at him too much. but since we're quite desperate that time i kinda rushed towards him and blurted out

'weh..boleh ak tumpang? cuz kitorg cm tertinggal shuttle and so cam x tau cane nk balik..'
and showed the innocent little puppy look trying to eliminate any sign of girls-trying-to-flirt-with-guys-looks to win some sympathy.
then mun said 'aah..kitorg x tau cane da nak..'

he paused kejap..
then he smiled a bit and said 'yeah..ok'
we both replied 'siyes ke? thank u sgt2..'
and then mun and i looked at each other and whispered 'yes..yes!'
happy kot time tuh.hahaha

so we got into his jeep..and talked a bit. he told us his name and it kinda went on smoothly though sometimes we felt pretty awkward. but we learnt that he has a gf. i was like o shit what a pity i mean cuz he's such a hot looking guy with his babyface look. omg! hahahah...

when we finally reached our destination, i think if i was not mistaken he said something like 'if cm tertinggal shuttle lg ckp je..' with a cute smile on his face.
and since then we've been friends but i already lost contact with him and doubt i'll ever see him again after this cuz he continued his studies somewhere else.

hohoho..neways what i've learnt from this is that whenever u see an opportunity just grab it. and sometimes u gotta do what u gotta do in desperate moments.
and i'm pretty glad we did that.

Love just sucks!

I kinda dislike being in love. I mean towards the opposite sex...(my love for my family is infinity and will never end)
because when i'm in love every space of my mind will be occupied by him. which just sucks a lot!
It just makes me so freaking angry because i couldn't get rid of him.
And my exam is so near and i need to freaking focus on my studies and
i just couldn't! Shit betol!

Why do this kind of thing happens?
That's why I usually just have crushes, flirt with many people but I avoid to really falling in love and being emotionally attached to someone..although people say love is wonderful, and brings happiness yada3.
Yeap its true though and but somehow you just couldn't control falling in love with that particular guy or girl.lol. Haih.
Stress! Aaaarggghhh...!

Gonna do my assignments now.
Seriously needs help=.=

thanx for reading tho.:)

A disturbing thought.

Have you ever had a thought that wanders around in every existing space of your mind and you just could not get it out?
This is happening to me now and I'm so frustrated till a point i feel like shaking my head so much, so the thought will be broken into pieces.

It's distracting my concentration in class, disturbing my sleep, making me moody sometimes and bringing other negative effects into my life.

I still could not get over it but i will try to anyway.
Go to hell you stupid disturbing thought!

Craps

Today i saw two girls. They are roommates. Both are my friends. They had a fight yesterday. Now they are back together with a grateful smile pasted on their faces.

I felt a pinch of pain and my heart sank in a deep grief.

It's not that i don't like seeing them happy.
Just that i used to be like that and I really truly miss that moment.

I miss her a lot. I mean like...a lot and lot and lot and lot!
And sadly to say i doubt she feels the same way.
I don't have anymore strength to keep denying that.

Thinking about this hurts me i just wanted to forget everything.
Like seriously. From the beginning. Zero.
To have amnesia.

And to the people who says you love me and so so, please don't keep saying all those bullshits and don't even keep in touch.
If you don't just fucking say so for goodness sake.

I know i'm hard to deal with but please don't give up. Even as a friend.
When i love someone, i'll do anything that's possible to be with that person. But if that person doesn't want to, what could I do?
Because I want that person to be happy too.

Anyways...
Don't take the thoughts of a person with a broken heart seriously.
Because most are just craps. Dogshits.

I wanna enjoy my life here, study, hopefully go to UK, get an awfully awesome result, be a damn respected cardiologist, marry someone who friggin loves me as much as i friggin love him and spend the rest of the days doing whatever i want to do at the moment.
thank u.

kalau bole nk cite lg.

oho ari ni kepala macam sparuh sewel sbb smalam buat test math cam shit sbb x study dlu malam ari sebelum tu...

uh skg tga bosan jadi rase mcm nak blog kalu boleh rase mcm nak cite sume benda yg jadi ari ni tp sebab lg 23 minit nk g mandi jadi macam cite je la ape yg sempat. td cam ade ceramah pastu igt cam bosan bosan cam ceramah biasa sbb org penceramah tu muke cam serius pastu da la x anta profile EXCEL lg jadi rase macam fuck. tapi rupenya org tu macam kelakar pastu aku, ngan member aku cam ketawa banyk2 smpai saket perot tp sorg x sebab die cm blur. patutnye die cite psl cara menempa kecemerlangan tapi rsenya tu 39% je kot pastu yg len tu sume psl die punye experience ngan marriage die haha tp aku xkesa pun sbb cite die best pastu rase cm nak dga lg.
among perkara yg die cakap ialah

-perempuan kalu betulkan tudung x kesa la kat cermin ke, kaca ke klau boleh kat lopak air pun nk jugak( yg aku rse cam bull sbb lopak air kaler coklat)

-pastu kalu g toilet kenapa laki boleh g sorg tp pompuan x boleh kene bwk teman jugak sbb nnt jd consultant tanye 'weh tudung aku ok x' pastu sorg lg jawab 'ok ok. aku aku aku?' haha

oh oh tggl lg 3 minit rse cam nak mandi cuz busuk tp nak abeskan cite dlu tp da x igt pe die ckp jd g mandi dlu laaaa...

A joke much?

Last night i watched a korean drama. oh my god...the guys are so hot!hahahah:D
I always wonder how a guy could be so damn beautiful with flawless porcelain skin, red juicy lips and such mesmerizing eyes. It is quite unfair for us girls who are SUPPOSED to be called 'pretty' and 'beautiful' you know

Especially Jae Joong, a member of DBSK. wawawawawawa....XDDD

You gotta see his face man..it's so perfect i swear he looks just like one of the characters in all the Japanese games and anime and stuffs.
If he's a transvestite i'm pretty sure most of the guys wouldn't even blink when they see him.lol.:DDD

oh oh...btw actually this is not what i wanted to talk about.
As i've mentioned before, i watched i korean drama and i found out a very hilarious joke.

So i tried it on my friends
It went like this:

Me: Seekor arnab dengan kura-kura yang berjalan dgn cepat berlumba, sape sampai dulu?

Friend: uh..arnab kot

Me: bukan..kura-kura la sebab die jalan ngan cepat.hahah..

Friend: oh ok
(hm..actually it wasn't the right respond that i expected to get..despite the disappoinment, i continued)

Me: ok one more, seekor arnab dengan kura-kura yg pkai spek lumba, sape sampai dulu?

Friend: uh kura-kura

Me: uh nape?(grinning already..)

Friend: sbb die nmpk ngan jelas

Me: salah la..cuz ble bukak spek rupenya kura-kura yg same ngan yg tadi.haha..

Friend:uh......(muke slenge)

seriously i really think it's funny you know but unfortunately my friend didn't think so.
huuu..T.T

thats all tho. bye2...^^

Fly Me to the Moon

oh man..its 3 o clock in the morning and i'm still trying very desperately to play the song
Fly Me to the Moon.

The song is very nice and very enjoyable to listen to.
Huuh...nevertheless, my determination is fading away, my desire to sleep is winning the fight.
My fingers are hurting and also my head, and i'm damn hungry.

I'm watching a video lesson now. The guy played it so damn beautifully..and it just made me want to try harder.

I really2 hope i can play it pretty smoothly later, even if it's just a part of it.

klimun

ooh it was awesome..haha.

seriously it totally made me realized that there were people who were just amazing.
yeah..they could damn talked and it was really impressive.
it's like listening to a debate by some-knowledgeable-adults stuck in bodies of 17-18 years old teens.

i wondered how they could just blurted out every single point spontaneously,and almost every one of them brought an impact.

i was in awe man. damn serious!

ooh and i met some new friends and became closer with them.
we went to PD and rode the banana boat. wee hee! it was fun, except when the sea water got into my eyes and my mouth and through my nostrils.

anyways it was a greaaat experience and if i can repeat it all over again,i will with no doubt.

Dalila Ezzy Jecintha Kei Nadiah Irfan Syed Min Fern Azzeem Sean Aaron Azuan Aizat Evan Amir Kwan Juliana Dhania and Qasim and etc. ..it was cool knowing you guys.

Realisation

I wondered why people could be so damn nasty sometimes. This thought always struck my mind whenever I watched another human being passed by, or just walked beside me or talked cheerfully to their friends. Full of ardor, their voices sound somehow nonchalant. They seemed to be themselves, and it’s like they were really like that, but outer surfaces could really blind you deep.

They may not be what they show to the outsiders.
They may not say what they have in mind.
They may not act like how they want to actually do.
They may smile and laugh with us, but they also smile and laugh when something unfortunate happen to us.
They may say we’re friends, but ‘Bitch!’ appear on the board of their minds.
They may show some supports, but hoping deep in their hearts that we would fail.

It hurt to find out that you’re having this kind of people all around you. Sneaking cunningly behind our backs, and afterward showing their angelic faces. These people could easily charm you and put you under a magic spell, thinking that you have finally found someone that you could trust, but then using their senses they would gradually attacked you slowly without you noticing.

Why do they bring pain to others?

My heart ached when I thought of them. They already gave me pain, and I...

I'm freaking mad! Those imbeciles, i wanna all of them into a box and send it to the North Pole so they will all freeze to death. hahaha(evil laugh..)

kay kay just kidding ;p

nevertheless...i hope they have a solid reason for doing this, and not for the sake of pure evilness(=.=)

Orientation

i've joined KMB on 23rd of June.
seen a lot of hot people there.haha
so i can refreshed my eyes quite often.


and as usual we have orientation. initially it damn sucked.
i was pretty homesick and i just wanted to go home every minute when i was there.
we had to get up at 4.30am and go to sleep at 11-12pm.


4 hours of sleep was not enough, for god's sake!!
so the morning after that when we had ceramah, my head was like a balloon full of water. hahaha...


fortunately there was no ragging.
but now i don't think it's that bad.
nevertheless, i couldn't understand why they have to separate the outing days for guys and girls.we have to go back before 7pm anyways..


thats all. and to all the people who had just started college..goodluck to u guys and hopefully you'll have fun!:D

UNNECESSARY QUESTIONS

kay..the boredom is slowly killing me now.

btw, what i wanna talk about in this post is
UNNECESSARY QUESTIONS

seriously this kind of things kinda pretty bugged me, altho some made me laugh.
example of UNNECESSARY QUESTIONS

1#
you were playing football or any kind of game that involved running.
out of clumsiness you fell down and twisted your ankle. you groaned in pain 'ouch..!' while holding your hurt ankle and making a trying-to-endure-the-agony face.
your friends realized the whole situation and walked towards you.
then, they asked
'hey, dude. you okay?'
haha... it just annoyed the hell out of me.
i mean couldn't they hear my 'ouch.ouch!' and see my terrified face and me holding my ankle.
it was so goddamn obvious that i wasn't okay, okay..!
i know they're concerned but seriously, the least they could do was call the medical officer and offered to help me asap.in which they did and i was grateful for that.
somehow, i think that UNNECESSARY QUESTION is something that will you will automatically blurt out in times of injuries and emergencies.


#2
you were relaxing on your bed and it's already midnight.
then, then your phone vibrated coz' you got a message.

'hey..da tido?'
or'hey..u asleep?'

'.................................'
if i was asleep(in state of unconciousness), i couldn't possibly reply you rite.
if i answered 'yeah i am' its pretty funny.lol.
i couldn't figure out why people ask that question.i asked that kind of question too sometimes and i didnt know why too..haha
however, imnsho wouldnt this be more appropriate
'hey..u awake?'


#3
you were either sms-ing or talking to someone.
then that guy said
'can i ask you something' UNNECESSARY QUESTION
or
'can i ask you a question' UNNECESSARY QUESTION
what you're saying was already a question.haiyoh...!
usually that happened when they want to ask something personal or emotional etc.
it's cool if they wanna ask that but i think they should be more specific like
'can i ask you something personal..'
something like that..you get what i mean rite.

huh..i'm gonna go eat ice cream:DDDhasta la vista.

one litre of tears

so many things happened to me today.
and it stressed the hell out of me.

i went for a casting this morning.
it's for a mini runway fashion show.and i...

DIDN"T MAKE IT...(started to cry again)

i was so sad, i couldn't stop crying for the whole day.
one litre of tears..T.T
i tried my best to get it you know.
i mean its like..imagine your heart stop beating.
yeah that's how i felt when they announced the result.

take your heart out and put it in the freezer.
SHIT!!

huh..anyways now i do know that even if you tried your best at doin something,
there's no guarantee that the outcomes would turn out like how you it want to be.

the phrase 'if you work hard, anything is possible.'
is a FUCKING BULLSHIT.
it depends on luck too okay.

some people can't handle failures very well..
and unfortunately i'm one them.
yeah i'm a freaking atychiphobic and i cant even pronounce the word.
grr...

I HATE FAILURES!
and when it happens, it makes me so depressed i just wanna end my life.
but of course, i wont.
it's just a thought.

neway, that's all.
a lesson i've learnt today:
even if you've given it your best, dont expect too much.
even if you've failed, just remember that there is probably something better waiting for you
in the future
and dont give up no matter how unbearable the pain it caused
(which is what im trying to do..)

daa.

yayyy...thank you so much!!

I GOT MARA SCHOLARSHIP...!!
omg..i couldn't believe this...im sooo blooddy freaking fucking happy.lol.
alhamdulillah i'm really really grateful to God^^
i'm gonna do medicine at kolej mara banting
i've been wanting this since i was born..haha
kay i was exaggerating.lol.

since morning i was so nervous...
but today i went out with my friends and had so much fun.
hahaha.we ate at McD and mencapub like almost all the time.
lol..

i haven't seen them for weeks and i miss them so muchh:'))

NURUL FADHILAH (DODI)
AMIRA AZHAR (MYRA)
FATHI IZZATI (FOTTY)
ILI LIYANA (ILI)
IZNI SYAZANA (NGAU)
SITI MUNIRAH (MOON)
FATIN NADIAH (ATEYN)
NURFATHIHAH (FATEA)
DAYANA ASILAH (ME! OR ADEK)

they are my ADEK BERADEK in school

and these are the pictures we've taken.:D

cicrle form.heh

memang la suka mencapub

umm..tgk pe tu dodi?

itadakimasu!supposedly candid okay.

syg korgg...hehehe

girl group:the cutes.haha

under the tree.lol...^^

due2 un kakak..:D

ili...i dont have a gud pic of you.:( ade satu but blurr.
and kakak ngau..sape suruh tutup muka.hishh......

thats all.neways i hope dpt jumpe u guys lg.
it has been fun! :DD
gonna miss my adek bradek so muuccchhhh....!!

OMG

OMG...OMG..OMG

they said mara result is already out today. im so freaked out!!
arghhhhhh...!!!!
my friend said that kinda a lot of our friends got it. i was like ooo..they are so lucky!!XD
and so she sent me the link to check the result
so i go to the link cuz i wanna check if i got it..

the nervousness was so overwhelming i was suffocating.lol.

but turned out the page could not be opened cuz many people are accessing it now.
gosshhhh....!!!
huh..so right now i have to wait until the line is not so slow anymore.and
it's killing me...
wish me luck!

dilemma

Hmm….it’s pretty sad that I have to start my first blog with such a sad story told by the sad me. yeahh..I’m kinda gloomy rite now (sigh) huh…it’s because I’m thinking of a friend of mine. I really don’t know the relationship between us anymore.


You see, she was a close friend of mine. We once went to the same college and even shared the same room. So the bond between us was quite tough. If you know me close enough, I’m pretty damn sure the name has crossed or is crossing your mind now.

Type of bonds (sounds like chemistry.hahaha):

1. Soul mate (in which I haven’t found one yet but looking forward to it^^)
2. Best friend (still searching..but I can feel it approaching.haha)
3. Very close friends (got some and she belongs in this group)
4. Close friends (yeahh..kinda plenty)
5. Friends (a myriad..haha)
6. Acquaintances (eventually I’ll forget bout them)


Anyways…back to the story. I’ve quitted the college 2 months ago ‘cuz I wanna pursue medicine. if you’re wondering why I went to the college in the first place, it was because the course I took there was my second choice and I wasn’t so sure that I could get a pretty damn well result for SPM. I got 11A’s.woohoo! (yep I’m bragging…so what, everybody does that in life.lol.)

However, she stayed there because she wanted to study there. I was feeling very very heartbreaking that I had to be apart from her after living together for three months. I cared for her deeply and she felt the same way too so we’ve decided not to let the distance steals our closeness.

We called each other almost everyday after I left the college. At the beginning, everything seemed fine and we chatted like usual. But I dunno..somehow as time passed by, the time of each call lessened and we don’t share much. I mean usually I was able to giggle and made fun and talked for hours with her without noticing it. but…now even 20 mins felt long and I glanced at the clock so often...hoping one hour had already passed.

I’ve figured out that this would happen afterwards but then not so soon. It makes me depressed.
Eventually we have to go on our separate ways.

I loved her and I valued her.
As a person who lives together with me.
As a girl who giggles with me when a hot guy passed by.
As a human who was at my side when I was feeling down.
and lastly…
As a friend who shared secrets with me.
(hope I’m not being too sentimental..heh)

Anyways…I wanna ask you guys what I can do to maintain the relationship. And if do you think it can last until we’ve grown white hairs.

And the girl that I’m talking bout...if you’re reading this pls give me your honest answers too:D
but if this doesn't make any sense to you maybe i was just being oversensitive.