Thursday, June 7, 2012

Love Again

And your heart skips a beat
As his glance meets your eyes
Could he know?
Oh but I wish he would

So I can save all this uneasiness
Hours of hopeful reverie
Hoping for a future
With us in the picture

Ah I give up on love. Love as in between lovers kind of love.
I think love is one of the biggest paradoxes in life, don't you agree?
It makes you happy and sad at the same time.
It makes you smile and cry the next day.
It makes you angry yet, you always go back to that person.
You hate him and then you like him.
You're a rational and also a crazy person.
You have a friend, and then a lover, and then a stranger.

Why do I have to face this again? Shit I hate love relationships, especially one-sided and temporary ones. Everyone gets hurt in this kind of relationship. The one whose love is not returned and the one who is unable to return the love. You used to become friends and hang out and have fun until it becomes something else and now you don't even talk to each other. Anger is sparked, hope is diminished, grudge is seeded, and trust is locked deep inside the soul.

This is a most common love relationship graph that I made according to my own interpretation of it.

A: if the relationship continues
B: if the relationship ends
a: when you get to know each other
b: conflicts: hesitation whether this is love or not, false assumptions and the best part since you're trying to woo the guy
c: honeymoon stage yeah baby
d: comfort zone where you often take your partner for granted
e: misunderstandings
f: reconciliation
g: conclusion: break up or continue

I like graphs and mathematics. But I can't figure out a love equation because I'm not experienced enough haha. I heard one of my friends is getting married and it makes me nervous. I don't think about this before but now I think I have to. I'll just ask my parents to find someone I can marry when I'm 26. It's permanent (hopefully) and the best way to have a good family.
Leading a single life as a career woman doesn't sound so bad either.

I want a bit of rainbow

Oh my god...6 more days and I'll be on the plane to my home country. I can't help feeling scared and excited at the same time.

Anyway, during the 3 months break I'm thinking of making some money. Well, I don't really know what sort of job I can do that won't consume a lot of my time. I thought of writing a book or something, like my mom. I really do hope I possess her marvellous talent in writing as well and she can guide me too. So, it will be really convenient.

BUT IF I CAN'T WRITE A BOOK, what work can I do? Working in a bakery previously was quite okay, but I won't be able to take care of my younger siblings. But I do need some cash to go on a road trip around Malaysia, or at least to some of the nearer states.
Or maybe I should use my current savings right now. I don't want my youth to be dull and won't be a good story to be told to my future grandchildren.

I don't know
Oh my youth is fading away
Resembling the pale grey colour on an old photograph

How I feel so restless
And the sighs as loyal companions
Please, I want to walk on the striking rainbow