Saturday, October 16, 2010


I wonder what i'm supposed to express in here.
Man i'm bored.


Salam Ummu! Just in case you're reading this, please know that you're kinda awesome as our class's naqibah. I'm glad to have you in usrah. Yeay! Bila nak ada kelas bahasa arab lagi?
I've forgotten a lot of the words already.

Diaphanous : so thin as to transmit light
Obtuse: angle between 90 to 180, slow to learn
Obstinate : stubborn
Refulgent : radiating

These are the words that i had learnt from Iyas. He knew it from Graduate Record Examination and these not-so-well-known-words are dominating the questions. Damn! I hope he'll pass it without too much headache. Goodluck Iyas. He's a smart ass i'm sure he can do it.

I'm going to a saloon tomorrow. Yeay!
Gonna relax my hair and cut a bit.

Dear darkly daft diarrheic daredevil dodo drives damn daringly dangerous. Dang!

Gonna stop here and sleep.

Monday, October 4, 2010


Oh yeah. I just realized i've never really wrote much about the obvious stuffs in my life. Okay well here it goes.
I applied to do a degree in Ireland before this. I was expecting a full course but i mananged to get a placement for a twinning program between ACMS and National University of Ireland, Galway. 2 1/2 years in Ireland and another 2 1/2 years in ACMS, Penang. I should be grateful for that although i was pretty fucking disappointed.

Anyway, I attended the interview last month and i think what i said was full of craps. Hahaha.
The Irish interviewers were really friendly, so after a while i was a lot less nervous than the moment i entered the interview room. I swore my heart was beating so fast, i could only hear 'dup dup dup' so i didn't really catch their words when the amiable interviewers were introducing their names.

Just ' Hey I'm Profe..DUP..DUP ..Please..DUP..DUP..a seat'
Then i thought 'Shit! what the heck was his name again? '
I was really sorry, i knew i should have been more focused.

Some of the dialogue that i can still remember, (please know that due to a very very acute dementia that i have because it's happened a month ago, the words might not be the exact same words, but they pretty much gave the same meaning)
* means what i was thinking

Interviewer (I): Okay, so have you encountered a situation where you have to make a very important decision?(with a quite strong Irish accent)

Me (M): Well, i think in every situation we have to consider every option that we have and the possible consequences...(crapping)...for example if a mother is about to give birth, and she somewhat has complications where it might affect the lives of the mother or the baby if it is continued and..

I: Okay..but do you know that is a very rare condition, it's very unlikely to happen?

Well, but it might just happen..

I: Okay, so what would you do in this kind of situation, although it's really truly a rare condition so what would you do?

(I think the interviewers were somewhat grinning a bit)

Me: Uh..(then i continued my answers)

That's all. There were some more but i think this was the most embarrassing one because it showed that i still have a lonnnngg way to go and that the TV drama is full of bullshits.
And guess what, in a court actually the lawyers are not allowed to walk high and low. They are supposed to stay in a box, and even their hands are not supposed to move. This is according to a friend of mine who is taking a degree in law.

Damn you, TV drama! DAMN YOU!
(okay..emo terlebih pula. Mcm lah tv drama tu hidupkan)

Anyway, last week I was informed that i got it. (Yeay..thank you so much interviewers for giving me a chance!) It's a conditional offer though, I can continue there provided that my final IB result is 36 and above and my IELTS in 6.5 and above. Now, it's all up to me.
I'll strive dude...and fly!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Some more craps - The End

I wish I can write everything here. Just spit it all out you know.
The ugly truth.
But i can't, because I'm scared.

Hm. It's not really ugly though. But with the aid of a somewhat twisted delusional mind and an unstable mood like a volcano just waiting to explode, it looks ugly.

Anyway, I just want to apologize to you. For hurting your feelings, because i know i did. It hurt me too. You might not believe this though. In fact i thought about it almost everyday.
It's a burden to think about it.
I'm tired and i know you're tired too. So, why not we just end it all?
Easier.For all of us.
In the end all i wanted is for you to treat me as a friend. Is that so hard?
I don't want more than that. Just a fucking friend that i can hang out and be me without having to pretend. I want the guilt to disappear.
I guess itu pun tak boleh juga.

I know it's gonna end like that. It always did.
The same ending, over and over again.
I don't want to lose you, really.
Then again, just like a friend of mine said life is already sad as it is. I have problems and trust me you're gonna be better, a lot better with someone else.
You might think you know me well, but trust me you don't.

It's something that hasn't even started yet.