one litre of tears

so many things happened to me today.
and it stressed the hell out of me.

i went for a casting this morning.
it's for a mini runway fashion show.and i...

DIDN"T MAKE IT...(started to cry again)

i was so sad, i couldn't stop crying for the whole day.
one litre of tears..T.T
i tried my best to get it you know.
i mean its like..imagine your heart stop beating.
yeah that's how i felt when they announced the result.

take your heart out and put it in the freezer.
SHIT!!

huh..anyways now i do know that even if you tried your best at doin something,
there's no guarantee that the outcomes would turn out like how you it want to be.

the phrase 'if you work hard, anything is possible.'
is a FUCKING BULLSHIT.
it depends on luck too okay.

some people can't handle failures very well..
and unfortunately i'm one them.
yeah i'm a freaking atychiphobic and i cant even pronounce the word.
grr...

I HATE FAILURES!
and when it happens, it makes me so depressed i just wanna end my life.
but of course, i wont.
it's just a thought.

neway, that's all.
a lesson i've learnt today:
even if you've given it your best, dont expect too much.
even if you've failed, just remember that there is probably something better waiting for you
in the future
and dont give up no matter how unbearable the pain it caused
(which is what im trying to do..)

daa.

yayyy...thank you so much!!

I GOT MARA SCHOLARSHIP...!!
omg..i couldn't believe this...im sooo blooddy freaking fucking happy.lol.
alhamdulillah i'm really really grateful to God^^
i'm gonna do medicine at kolej mara banting
i've been wanting this since i was born..haha
kay i was exaggerating.lol.

since morning i was so nervous...
but today i went out with my friends and had so much fun.
hahaha.we ate at McD and mencapub like almost all the time.
lol..

i haven't seen them for weeks and i miss them so muchh:'))

NURUL FADHILAH (DODI)
AMIRA AZHAR (MYRA)
FATHI IZZATI (FOTTY)
ILI LIYANA (ILI)
IZNI SYAZANA (NGAU)
SITI MUNIRAH (MOON)
FATIN NADIAH (ATEYN)
NURFATHIHAH (FATEA)
DAYANA ASILAH (ME! OR ADEK)

they are my ADEK BERADEK in school

and these are the pictures we've taken.:D

cicrle form.heh

memang la suka mencapub

umm..tgk pe tu dodi?

itadakimasu!supposedly candid okay.

syg korgg...hehehe

girl group:the cutes.haha

under the tree.lol...^^

due2 un kakak..:D

ili...i dont have a gud pic of you.:( ade satu but blurr.
and kakak ngau..sape suruh tutup muka.hishh......

thats all.neways i hope dpt jumpe u guys lg.
it has been fun! :DD
gonna miss my adek bradek so muuccchhhh....!!

OMG

OMG...OMG..OMG

they said mara result is already out today. im so freaked out!!
arghhhhhh...!!!!
my friend said that kinda a lot of our friends got it. i was like ooo..they are so lucky!!XD
and so she sent me the link to check the result
so i go to the link cuz i wanna check if i got it..

the nervousness was so overwhelming i was suffocating.lol.

but turned out the page could not be opened cuz many people are accessing it now.
gosshhhh....!!!
huh..so right now i have to wait until the line is not so slow anymore.and
it's killing me...
wish me luck!

dilemma

Hmm….it’s pretty sad that I have to start my first blog with such a sad story told by the sad me. yeahh..I’m kinda gloomy rite now (sigh) huh…it’s because I’m thinking of a friend of mine. I really don’t know the relationship between us anymore.


You see, she was a close friend of mine. We once went to the same college and even shared the same room. So the bond between us was quite tough. If you know me close enough, I’m pretty damn sure the name has crossed or is crossing your mind now.

Type of bonds (sounds like chemistry.hahaha):

1. Soul mate (in which I haven’t found one yet but looking forward to it^^)
2. Best friend (still searching..but I can feel it approaching.haha)
3. Very close friends (got some and she belongs in this group)
4. Close friends (yeahh..kinda plenty)
5. Friends (a myriad..haha)
6. Acquaintances (eventually I’ll forget bout them)


Anyways…back to the story. I’ve quitted the college 2 months ago ‘cuz I wanna pursue medicine. if you’re wondering why I went to the college in the first place, it was because the course I took there was my second choice and I wasn’t so sure that I could get a pretty damn well result for SPM. I got 11A’s.woohoo! (yep I’m bragging…so what, everybody does that in life.lol.)

However, she stayed there because she wanted to study there. I was feeling very very heartbreaking that I had to be apart from her after living together for three months. I cared for her deeply and she felt the same way too so we’ve decided not to let the distance steals our closeness.

We called each other almost everyday after I left the college. At the beginning, everything seemed fine and we chatted like usual. But I dunno..somehow as time passed by, the time of each call lessened and we don’t share much. I mean usually I was able to giggle and made fun and talked for hours with her without noticing it. but…now even 20 mins felt long and I glanced at the clock so often...hoping one hour had already passed.

I’ve figured out that this would happen afterwards but then not so soon. It makes me depressed.
Eventually we have to go on our separate ways.

I loved her and I valued her.
As a person who lives together with me.
As a girl who giggles with me when a hot guy passed by.
As a human who was at my side when I was feeling down.
and lastly…
As a friend who shared secrets with me.
(hope I’m not being too sentimental..heh)

Anyways…I wanna ask you guys what I can do to maintain the relationship. And if do you think it can last until we’ve grown white hairs.

And the girl that I’m talking bout...if you’re reading this pls give me your honest answers too:D
but if this doesn't make any sense to you maybe i was just being oversensitive.