He is always so optimistic about life. Always. So..
He moved on.
He found another girl that can make him smile.
I'm happy for him.
I should be. I just dont know why i'm feeling so sad.
Bloody pathetic!
I had always thought that i had done the right thing.
I hope i did. Or maybe i really didnt do anything much.
Life is like a journey on a train, the way i see it sometimes. On your way to your destination, people come and go. Some will be with you till the train stops at the next station, some perhaps longer while the others are maybe just connected by a decent yet hopeful smile. But one or a few will stay with u till the end. Only, u never know when u will stop.
Regardless of anything, sometimes u just have to move on. If u cant, learn how to.
I want to share a quote that i'd found in a very special book. It's nt related pun dgn kat atas,bt wtv.
'Everything looked and sounded unreal. Nothing was what it is. That's what i wanted-to be alone with myself in another world where truth is untrue and life can hide from itself'
by eugene o'neill
Friday, November 12, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
No#
1#
I wonder what i'm supposed to express in here.
Man i'm bored.
2#
Oh!
3#
Salam Ummu! Just in case you're reading this, please know that you're kinda awesome as our class's naqibah. I'm glad to have you in usrah. Yeay! Bila nak ada kelas bahasa arab lagi?
I've forgotten a lot of the words already.
4#
Diaphanous : so thin as to transmit light
Obtuse: angle between 90 to 180, slow to learn
Obstinate : stubborn
Refulgent : radiating
These are the words that i had learnt from Iyas. He knew it from Graduate Record Examination and these not-so-well-known-words are dominating the questions. Damn! I hope he'll pass it without too much headache. Goodluck Iyas. He's a smart ass i'm sure he can do it.
5#
I'm going to a saloon tomorrow. Yeay!
Gonna relax my hair and cut a bit.
6#
Dear darkly daft diarrheic daredevil dodo drives damn daringly dangerous. Dang!
7#
Gonna stop here and sleep.
I wonder what i'm supposed to express in here.
Man i'm bored.
2#
Oh!
3#
Salam Ummu! Just in case you're reading this, please know that you're kinda awesome as our class's naqibah. I'm glad to have you in usrah. Yeay! Bila nak ada kelas bahasa arab lagi?
I've forgotten a lot of the words already.
4#
Diaphanous : so thin as to transmit light
Obtuse: angle between 90 to 180, slow to learn
Obstinate : stubborn
Refulgent : radiating
These are the words that i had learnt from Iyas. He knew it from Graduate Record Examination and these not-so-well-known-words are dominating the questions. Damn! I hope he'll pass it without too much headache. Goodluck Iyas. He's a smart ass i'm sure he can do it.
5#
I'm going to a saloon tomorrow. Yeay!
Gonna relax my hair and cut a bit.
6#
Dear darkly daft diarrheic daredevil dodo drives damn daringly dangerous. Dang!
7#
Gonna stop here and sleep.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Interview
Oh yeah. I just realized i've never really wrote much about the obvious stuffs in my life. Okay well here it goes.
I applied to do a degree in Ireland before this. I was expecting a full course but i mananged to get a placement for a twinning program between ACMS and National University of Ireland, Galway. 2 1/2 years in Ireland and another 2 1/2 years in ACMS, Penang. I should be grateful for that although i was pretty fucking disappointed.
Anyway, I attended the interview last month and i think what i said was full of craps. Hahaha.
The Irish interviewers were really friendly, so after a while i was a lot less nervous than the moment i entered the interview room. I swore my heart was beating so fast, i could only hear 'dup dup dup' so i didn't really catch their words when the amiable interviewers were introducing their names.
Just ' Hey I'm Profe..DUP..DUP ..Please..DUP..DUP..a seat'
Then i thought 'Shit! what the heck was his name again? '
I was really sorry, i knew i should have been more focused.
Some of the dialogue that i can still remember, (please know that due to a very very acute dementia that i have because it's happened a month ago, the words might not be the exact same words, but they pretty much gave the same meaning)
* means what i was thinking
Interviewer (I): Okay, so have you encountered a situation where you have to make a very important decision?(with a quite strong Irish accent)
Me (M): Well, i think in every situation we have to consider every option that we have and the possible consequences...(crapping)...for example if a mother is about to give birth, and she somewhat has complications where it might affect the lives of the mother or the baby if it is continued and..
I: Okay..but do you know that is a very rare condition, it's very unlikely to happen?
Me: *what?! WHAT?! BUT I ALWAYS SAW THAT IN THE MOVIES...!!!*
Well, but it might just happen..
I: Okay, so what would you do in this kind of situation, although it's really truly a rare condition so what would you do?
(I think the interviewers were somewhat grinning a bit)
Me: Uh..(then i continued my answers)
That's all. There were some more but i think this was the most embarrassing one because it showed that i still have a lonnnngg way to go and that the TV drama is full of bullshits.
And guess what, in a court actually the lawyers are not allowed to walk high and low. They are supposed to stay in a box, and even their hands are not supposed to move. This is according to a friend of mine who is taking a degree in law.
Damn you, TV drama! DAMN YOU!
(okay..emo terlebih pula. Mcm lah tv drama tu hidupkan)
Anyway, last week I was informed that i got it. (Yeay..thank you so much interviewers for giving me a chance!) It's a conditional offer though, I can continue there provided that my final IB result is 36 and above and my IELTS in 6.5 and above. Now, it's all up to me.
I'll strive dude...and fly!
I applied to do a degree in Ireland before this. I was expecting a full course but i mananged to get a placement for a twinning program between ACMS and National University of Ireland, Galway. 2 1/2 years in Ireland and another 2 1/2 years in ACMS, Penang. I should be grateful for that although i was pretty fucking disappointed.
Anyway, I attended the interview last month and i think what i said was full of craps. Hahaha.
The Irish interviewers were really friendly, so after a while i was a lot less nervous than the moment i entered the interview room. I swore my heart was beating so fast, i could only hear 'dup dup dup' so i didn't really catch their words when the amiable interviewers were introducing their names.
Just ' Hey I'm Profe..DUP..DUP ..Please..DUP..DUP..a seat'
Then i thought 'Shit! what the heck was his name again? '
I was really sorry, i knew i should have been more focused.
Some of the dialogue that i can still remember, (please know that due to a very very acute dementia that i have because it's happened a month ago, the words might not be the exact same words, but they pretty much gave the same meaning)
* means what i was thinking
Interviewer (I): Okay, so have you encountered a situation where you have to make a very important decision?(with a quite strong Irish accent)
Me (M): Well, i think in every situation we have to consider every option that we have and the possible consequences...(crapping)...for example if a mother is about to give birth, and she somewhat has complications where it might affect the lives of the mother or the baby if it is continued and..
I: Okay..but do you know that is a very rare condition, it's very unlikely to happen?
Me: *what?! WHAT?! BUT I ALWAYS SAW THAT IN THE MOVIES...!!!*
Well, but it might just happen..
I: Okay, so what would you do in this kind of situation, although it's really truly a rare condition so what would you do?
(I think the interviewers were somewhat grinning a bit)
Me: Uh..(then i continued my answers)
That's all. There were some more but i think this was the most embarrassing one because it showed that i still have a lonnnngg way to go and that the TV drama is full of bullshits.
And guess what, in a court actually the lawyers are not allowed to walk high and low. They are supposed to stay in a box, and even their hands are not supposed to move. This is according to a friend of mine who is taking a degree in law.
Damn you, TV drama! DAMN YOU!
(okay..emo terlebih pula. Mcm lah tv drama tu hidupkan)
Anyway, last week I was informed that i got it. (Yeay..thank you so much interviewers for giving me a chance!) It's a conditional offer though, I can continue there provided that my final IB result is 36 and above and my IELTS in 6.5 and above. Now, it's all up to me.
I'll strive dude...and fly!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Some more craps - The End
I wish I can write everything here. Just spit it all out you know.
The ugly truth.
But i can't, because I'm scared.
Hm. It's not really ugly though. But with the aid of a somewhat twisted delusional mind and an unstable mood like a volcano just waiting to explode, it looks ugly.
Anyway, I just want to apologize to you. For hurting your feelings, because i know i did. It hurt me too. You might not believe this though. In fact i thought about it almost everyday.
It's a burden to think about it.
I'm tired and i know you're tired too. So, why not we just end it all?
Easier.For all of us.
In the end all i wanted is for you to treat me as a friend. Is that so hard?
I don't want more than that. Just a fucking friend that i can hang out and be me without having to pretend. I want the guilt to disappear.
I guess itu pun tak boleh juga.
I know it's gonna end like that. It always did.
The same ending, over and over again.
I don't want to lose you, really.
Then again, just like a friend of mine said life is already sad as it is. I have problems and trust me you're gonna be better, a lot better with someone else.
You might think you know me well, but trust me you don't.
It's over.to something that hasn't even started yet.
The ugly truth.
But i can't, because I'm scared.
Hm. It's not really ugly though. But with the aid of a somewhat twisted delusional mind and an unstable mood like a volcano just waiting to explode, it looks ugly.
Anyway, I just want to apologize to you. For hurting your feelings, because i know i did. It hurt me too. You might not believe this though. In fact i thought about it almost everyday.
It's a burden to think about it.
I'm tired and i know you're tired too. So, why not we just end it all?
Easier.For all of us.
In the end all i wanted is for you to treat me as a friend. Is that so hard?
I don't want more than that. Just a fucking friend that i can hang out and be me without having to pretend. I want the guilt to disappear.
I guess itu pun tak boleh juga.
I know it's gonna end like that. It always did.
The same ending, over and over again.
I don't want to lose you, really.
Then again, just like a friend of mine said life is already sad as it is. I have problems and trust me you're gonna be better, a lot better with someone else.
You might think you know me well, but trust me you don't.
It's over.to something that hasn't even started yet.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Strings
Hehehe...ok actually it refers to my guitar. I've been practising quite a lot lately.
My fingers are rather ugly now but anyways i manage to play a few songs without any mistake. Nah...not the difficult ones just the easy and for beginners songs.
Tada...my superlovely guitar who is always there for me.
I used to play once but i stopped because i left it at home to study in Kolej MARA Banting (KMB) but a couple of weeks before i brought it along (uuuu...my precious guitar. Ily ily ily...!) and started to play almost everyday. After long days of suffering for my fingers (kesian my fingers) i can play Gee-Wonder Girls acoustic version now and birthday song. Thanks to this guy for the tutorials.:D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6u4Y3CHMfw
So, right now i'm currently practising Extreme- More than words tabs which is not so bad. But my fingers need stretching a lot because they're kinda short i guess.
My fingers are rather ugly now but anyways i manage to play a few songs without any mistake. Nah...not the difficult ones just the easy and for beginners songs.
Tada...my superlovely guitar who is always there for me.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6u4Y3CHMfw
So, right now i'm currently practising Extreme- More than words tabs which is not so bad. But my fingers need stretching a lot because they're kinda short i guess.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Perhaps
Lately, my life has not been well.
No.
In fact, it has not been well for a long time already. And lately it has been worse. I've been crying a lot these days.
Crying and crying and crying till my eyes hurt.
Things did not work out as i had planned, with so much hope. Now i know why we should not have such a high expectation, because when you failed it was terribly painful to bear. The
more you hope, the more you're going to get disappointed. It was like a cannon ball had hit my stomach, and stayed there leaving me suffocated.
The thing is, the situation i am currently in now is not really as bad as it seems. In fact i should be happy because i'm fortunate enough to achieve this. What made the tears fell down
was that i had the opportunity to do better and make the best out of the situation, but i wasted it.
I had the chance, and i blew it.
Definitely not something to be proud of.
Anyway, I've got no one to blame but myself. For being ignorant and oblivious and taking things for granted. Now i had to pay the price.
To me, the worst feeling that you can feel is not sadness nor is it disappointment or anger or heartbroken and other kind of emotions, but the feeling of remorse. The feeling of regret.
Because you know it is always too late.
As the saying goes, 'Nasi sudah menjadi bubur.'
But just because it has become a porridge, doesn't mean it is no longer eatable. Improvise. Add some chickens, black pepper etc. Make it into something else and not just accepting it as a
plain porridge, in fact it might taste even better than the rice. In the end, the objective is still achieved that is to eat. To eliminate the hunger.
(ok..this is crappy but anyway)
Perhaps this is a new beginning for something even better.
Perhaps.
I've got nothing to lose by hoping and trying again, maybe just another set of disappoinment and a bucket full of tears but definitely not regret. No more of it.
The greatest challenge is yet to come. I'll do my best.
No.
In fact, it has not been well for a long time already. And lately it has been worse. I've been crying a lot these days.
Crying and crying and crying till my eyes hurt.
Things did not work out as i had planned, with so much hope. Now i know why we should not have such a high expectation, because when you failed it was terribly painful to bear. The
more you hope, the more you're going to get disappointed. It was like a cannon ball had hit my stomach, and stayed there leaving me suffocated.
The thing is, the situation i am currently in now is not really as bad as it seems. In fact i should be happy because i'm fortunate enough to achieve this. What made the tears fell down
was that i had the opportunity to do better and make the best out of the situation, but i wasted it.
I had the chance, and i blew it.
Definitely not something to be proud of.
Anyway, I've got no one to blame but myself. For being ignorant and oblivious and taking things for granted. Now i had to pay the price.
To me, the worst feeling that you can feel is not sadness nor is it disappointment or anger or heartbroken and other kind of emotions, but the feeling of remorse. The feeling of regret.
Because you know it is always too late.
As the saying goes, 'Nasi sudah menjadi bubur.'
But just because it has become a porridge, doesn't mean it is no longer eatable. Improvise. Add some chickens, black pepper etc. Make it into something else and not just accepting it as a
plain porridge, in fact it might taste even better than the rice. In the end, the objective is still achieved that is to eat. To eliminate the hunger.
(ok..this is crappy but anyway)
Perhaps this is a new beginning for something even better.
Perhaps.
I've got nothing to lose by hoping and trying again, maybe just another set of disappoinment and a bucket full of tears but definitely not regret. No more of it.
The greatest challenge is yet to come. I'll do my best.
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