A Moment of Weakness, Yet Maybe Perhaps Just Another Crappy Upsurge of Emotion

My head hurts.
I really feel like dying. Sometimes I can't bear living anymore.

Pathetic. I know.
But I'm so tired.

My head hurts.
My head hurts.


Oh God...why won't they take my words seriously?
I've been trying to, for years. Why couldn't they see it?
Why? Why? Why?
Am I that unworthy, that I can't even receive a bit of their time and concern?


My head hurts and I'm so tired.

Here I am pleading for help, yet no one blinks an eye.

Just now I was moved to tears because someone brought me dinner; even if it was just leftover.
There is still hope. Just a bit more.
Maybe things will get better. But every time, my gaze is getting lower and lower, in a narrow defeat.

I'm better off alone, and people are better off without me?
Someone like me, so full of crap and bitterness will just make people tired. I guess I haven't changed at all.
Let's just fake the smile and warmth like I've been doing for years.

Trust me, it's really not that hard. Because some people are just too easy to be fooled. So foolish.

Yeap another reason why I chose this profession. Even if I can't help myself, at least I can help to heal others pain. Even if it's just physical. And not living a useless life.

I hope this is just another phase of my biography, where in the future I will glance back and just laugh about my own foolishness.

FUCK. Maybe I do need to see a counselor.