My first post after a long dot

Here I am back again in my blog.

I checked on all the posts that i've put up here in my blog, and realized that almost all of it contained non-stop complaining, yet there were still people who read and give supports albeit the fact that they may have been depressing to read.

How could I not realize it, all of this while I was searching for this so-called true friends, I have had them already right under my big nose. If I had only looked closer.

The world worked in such an unfriendly and unparalleled way, that it chose the loss of priceless and valuable friends as an object lesson to awake me from my long self-delusions.

Why didn't I realize it earlier?

Yet, there I was mumbling of how I wasn't being myself and that I was hiding from the rest of the world, while the fact was that it had been me all along.

Somehow, everything little things that i'm mentioning right now sound so shallow. So fucking shallow.

Thank you Leana, Aiman, Azrul, Zahid, Ron, Crayon, H, anonymous and other writers who commented on my blogs. I'm sorry i hadn't been able to appreciate your presence.

Thank you so much for the companionship. You may have left this blog already, but even so please know i'm always grateful for your ever honest concern.

p/s: if you're reading this, how about coming to my house over this summer? i'll treat you guys for something delicious lol. seriously.

Forever and Ever

I'm depressed thinking about my future. And so i've composed (cewahh..) a depressing song. If you're wondering what the song is about, when you read the title you'll know.

Forever Alone

Intro: Em Am

Em

I'm gonna be forever alone

Am

Gazing through the hazy windows

G

Waiting for someone to come

Em

So many lonely nights spent

Am

With the dimmed stars on my side

G

And I sigh

C

Forever alone

D Em

Forever alone

Am D7

Forever alone

Em

Forever alone....

I know i'm being ridiculously ridiculous, but after what i've been through i can't help feeling like this.

Maybe i tried too hard. Maybe i should just follow the flow.

Maybe i should just forget about all this complicated relationship stuffs, study, work and become rich, find myself an ideal husband and just get married je terus when i'm 27.

Trapped

I know the truth, but my overwhelming emotion and ego are blinding me from seeing it clearly.

And so i remain trapped in my own foolishness.

Classmates

Watching the identical..almost identical faces of Korean popstars reminded me of the orientation week when i enrolled in KMB.

During orientatation, as expected there were a lot of typical and compulsory activities that you basically had to do; ice breaking and some other activities that i couldn't remember.

Anyway, towards the end after all the freshies were already distributed into respective classes we had to sit in circles facing our own classmates.

I still remember what was on my mind as i followed each and every strange and new face, one by one that eventually would leave an amazing and unforgettable memories.

'Alamak...takde sorang pun yang handsome. Asal semua muka nampak sama ni...Habislah macam mana nak ingat nama sorang2.Yang perempuan lagilah nasib ada Suraya.."

(Suraya was in the same school as i was)

I don't know was it because of nervousness and so everythin

g was blurred or was it because there was nothing that i can base on to differentiate them.

As we got to know each other, thanks to their distinctive personalities and other characteristics i managed to remember their names well haha.

Well anyway these are my classmates

anyway, samurai champloo is awesome

PETTY STUFF

(late entry due to low internet connection on that day-one week before IB ended)

Oh my god...I swear today was just the most stupid day of my life!

I tengah baca surat BTN, check apa barang nak kena bawa semua benda and suddenly terbersin sambil baca tengah toleh-toleh. And guess what!!

LEHER I TERKEHEL.

Okay, I don’t know la if dia terkehel ke, or salah urat ke but now dah tak boleh nak toleh-toleh and my neck HURTS LIKE HELL!

I know right, lame gila terkehel sebab bersin je. Macam takde benda lain; jatuh tangga ke, gaduh dgn orang nak selamatkan member from kena simbah asid ke barulah cool sikit kan.

Ni dok teleng-teleng, sakit leher sebab bersin. And I seriously never have thought that this kind of thing would happen to me. Stress.

But you know what, kalau dah ditentukan Tuhan leher terkehel sebab benda macam tu je memang boleh terjadi okay. Kun Fayakun. You never know.

So one moral that I get from this is that life is full of possibilities of weirdly getting hurt.

PREPARATION

Adalah seorang lelaki ni yang pandai. Dia akan mengambil peperiksaan yang SANGAT penting lagi 4 bulan tapi dia masih dok rilek je.

"Takpe, exam lama lagi. Ada lagi dalam 4 bulan kot," katanya dalam hati. Memanglah dia risau sikit, tapi entahlah memang jenis stok malas and carefree. Tapi apa-apa pun dia concentrate lagi dalam kelas, takdelah hilang sekejap ada, sekejap takde macam Chipsmore jual kat kedai runcit. Jadi dia pun dok melahgho; main DOTA, baca komik, lepak-lepak dgn member yang sama kepala, apa-apa je aktiviti yang boleh buat dia gembira. Indulging in guilty pleasures, ya know.

Anyway, tanpa disedari masa telah berlalu dengan cepatnya dan tinggal seminggu je sebelum peperiksaan start. Haa dah start gelabah s0 dia pun mulalah belajar, buka buku, garu kepala sana sini, masuk kanan keluar masa exam.

Nak dikatakan nasib baik, result gempak pula.

Tapi, point yang nak disentuh (skema la pula macam ayat periksa je) ialah sebab dia tahu the exact date of examination jadi bolehlah prepare everything semua.

This story somehow reminds me of orang-orang yang sibuk dok enjoy masa muda diorang.

"alahh...masa mudalah kita kena enjoy babe. Bila lagi nak huhaaa, nanti dah tua dah kerepot semua benda terbatas. Time2 tu baru lah cover balik, solat dan beribadah semua mendekatkan diri kepada Tuhan. Standard lah tu."

Sesetengah orang tu, bila dah tua baru nak prepare for akhirat, nak sedar diri tu dah banyak buat dosa.

Yelahh, exam kita boleh ah prepare last minute pun takpe sebab kita tahu bila exact date tapi tarikh kita meninggalkan dunia yang indah gemalai penuh peluang namun memabukkan ini takde siapa yang tahu.

Alih2 umur tak sampai 30 dah mampus kena langgar lori or kena parang dengan saudara sendiri.

We never know, orang sekarang ramai yang gila.Sakit mental. (Ini pendapat I based on what i've read in newspapers la..but the world can be a scary place)

Oleh itu, kalau boleh at least we should try to buat amal sebanyak-sebanyaknya and buat apa yang disuruh dan meninggalkan apa yang dilarang. And i'm trying too.Its really hard but i won't stop trying still.

Ini nasihat untuk diri sendiri jugalah yang kadang2 leka dan lalai.

anyway, fikir2lah sendiri tepuk dada tanya selera.

End of IB

IB examination ended last Friday for MEDIC BUSINESS students.

Everyone was happy and somewhat, i guess it was quite unbelievable.

Through out the two years, there were always times (quite a lot in fact) of complaining; when the torture will disappear and hoping for the end of it, yet when the time had come instead of feeling euphoric i was overwhelmed with sadness and frankly it was all quite fuzzy.

Never has it occurred in my mind that I was going to say this but...I think I am really going to miss KMB.

Despite of it being in the middle of ladang kelapa sawit,

despite of the small rooms which were sometimes surrounded by weird looking and flying insects and non-stop sound of crickets,

despite of the frogs, snails and ulat-ulat along the pathway to academic building,

despite of the unamusing procedures of filling the coloured forms to go out and early curfew,

despite of kena grounded kalau tak ikut procedure (even though i managed to escape one),

despite of the endless pressure and tears,

without doubt it has taught me a lot of things.

It made me think.

In my opinion, being adhered in just one place limits the way of one's thinking, bounded by the distinctive culture and perception of a particular society. Although there is a variety of types of people yet, it is hard to broaden your knowledge just by that.

Right now, i want to travel and have a taste of the world.

Even if it is just a coup d'oeil.

Meet different kinds of people, different way of perceiving things, basically just different in any kind of aspect.

I am thirsty for an adventure, for something new.

I don't know. I need to have a proper plan first though.

Being impromptu is the worst plan of all, although it will get my butt out of the house and start immediately.