Shiver

Have you ever thought that you would always be close to someone till the end of life, so close you thought even time could not touch the relationship? I used to have that naive hope, what a fool i was to think such thing would even exist. As time passes by, sure the relationship would remain the same but it's the people involved that are affected. People changes and so the connection between them in this circle of relation is broken. Alas, one became a shadow that eventually disappears, leaving no traits.

I don't know if she has actually changed or not. Maybe it is not significant, but there is a slight difference about her I just can sense it. I don't know. You may be tired of reading on this again, I'm also tired, really really tired but it is more exhausting to hang on something that is not certain. I don't know if we're even that close anymore. You can always cover your anguish with a broad smile on your face, till you yourself don't even know your own true feelings. Might as well break the jaw to show your genuine emotion.

I want to forget about them. Let the memories disintegrate into small particles floating in the air, and follow the wind to nowhere I can find them. Maybe you have done this, only I was a bit too late in grabbing the depressing reality. I shivered whenever i thought about this.

I'm really really tired.
It's my family, religion and perhaps my dream that keep me living on.
Because i know no matter what, they will always be by my side and the same thing i will do for them too no matter what happens.

Maybe, i have an acute BPD.